Getting Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable

I've been trying to sit down and write this post for a little while now, but, every time I tried, I had so many thoughts running through my head it was too hard for me to sort them all out. 2017 was a really difficult year for me in many different ways. School was really hard in the spring and, as I trudged through it, I could feel myself slowly losing my grip on every other part of my life. I was closing myself off to people, eating poorly, not exercising, and simply just not taking care of myself and every time I thought that maybe it was getting better, it wasn't. The worst part of it was that it was almost like I didn't even want to actually do anything to fix it. I just wanted to sit there and self-destruct and hope that maybe it would all correct itself. So, I did. I finally began to see the light at the end of the tunnel in the fall. But, when winter came it got a little difficult again. Because I was in a better mental state though, I took the challenges in stride and by the time I went back to school in January everything had fallen together. 

I've spent the majority of January trying to figure out my goals, regain my focus, and take care of myself. So far I've really been loving all of my classes (even finance--who would've thought??), my friendships have all been getting stronger than ever, and I've been exercising a lot more (like 3-4 times a week!). I think the most important thing for me though is how much closer I've gotten with my mom through all of it. My mom has always been my best friend, but as a side-effect of being on a downward spiral I distanced myself from her a lot. But, as things have been moving upward, I've really let her back in and I don't think we've ever been better! (Mama, if you're reading this, I love love love you!!!!!)

I want to talk in a little more detail about some of the changes I've been making and the results I've been seeing so that hopefully it can help pull some of you out of a funk if you ever find yourself trudging through a year that's not so great. 

Exercise: I used to hate working out. Like honestly I just dreaded it and didn't want to do it, because I didn't see results fast enough. You see, I'm not exactly patient. But, for some reason when I got back to school I decide to try working out again and I'm really proud of myself for sticking it out, even though I still haven't really seen many apparent changes. USC has a studio for a workout class called F45 in our campus rec center and even though I hate how hard it is, I also cherish those 45 minutes where I get to clear my mind and only focus on getting stronger. The best part is that even though I haven't necessarily seen any changes, I can feel the exercises getting just a little bit easier every week, which is what motivates me to keep going back. Not to mention, how happy I am leaving the classes. Endorphins, man... they're real! 

School: The fact that I did so much better last semester than I did all of sophomore year, really set me up for even more success this semester. I went back to school feeling more confident than ever and that confidence hasn't left! I've been making a conscious effort to pay tons of attention in class, take diligent notes, and form good relationships with my professors and it's been really helpful for me. Finance, which I expected to be almost impossible, is actually kind of fun. I've made friends in my class, and my professor literally says "love you!" when I say goodbye after class. She is seriously adorable. I can already tell that this semester may be my best yet!

Friendships: Despite always having a few close friends, I always had some sort of friend drama growing up. I think those experiences made me become closed off to new friendships--usually assuming that someone is too cool to want to be my friend and not even giving it a shot. What I've noticed though is that I've probably missed out on a lot of opportunities to be close with some really cool people along the way, so I'm trying to keep a more open mind. Although I've always been an extremely outgoing person, I want to be open to creating more relationships with the people I encounter beyond just saying "hi!" in passing and training my subconscious to not be afraid of the possibility of getting hurt or things just not working out. 

So there you have it--I'm declaring 2018 as the year of getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. Put yourself out there, challenge yourself, and becoming the best version of you there is. Here's to all of us! 

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